Notes to My Loves

      New Beginnings are an exciting time.  Things are both fresh and fragile. There is both an anticipation and wonder of what will be. It is a time of learning and exploration as well as reflection and planning.             New beginnings are also just, that. NEW. They give us a chance to start over with a fresh slate. Maybe it is a new haircut,  a new house, a new job, or even just a new daily routine. The amazing part of this is that each day we are greeted with newness, even if we don't change anything about our lives. The fact that the day starts over fresh and new is our reset button. We even have the opportunity to hit that reset button in the middle of the day. It is our choice.             Yet many of us, myself included,  rush through our routines with to-do lists that never get completed and end our days with just as much frustration and stress as the day before. ...

            Two years ago, I took a leap of faith.  A door opened and I walked through it.   To say it was not scary leaving something that for 20 years had become my normal routine, would be a lie. Doubt filled thoughts danced through my head. Would I like the new change? Would it financially work out? What if it was short lived? What would I do then?   However,  there was this voice inside my head. It was quiet, yet persistent. It said, Take the Risk .             Looking back now, I believe that this voice was the Holy Spirit. I decided to listen and not look back.  This journey has taken me to so many physical and emotional places and it has been an amazing journey.  I have met positive visionaries from all over the world. People who are now part of the tapestry of my life. They are threads that continue to add dimension and color to the ever changing art piece.   ...

Horses . Tigers. Dolphins.  What do these animals have in common? No it is not that they are all mammals. It is not that they are all found in the wild. When I see these animals, there is one word that comes to mind. Majestic. According to Google, for something to be majestic it must have or show great beauty or dignity. When these animals are in their element they are beautiful creatures that are one with their environment. They are doing what they were created to do. There is true beauty there and one that cannot be replicated by man. The horse, when on the open plains, does not have to think hard about galloping. They are not manipulating their muscles to do what needs to be done. Their hooves beat the ground in perfect rhythm and create an equine orchestra that has sounded in our country since the 1500's. Their speed and skill are not forced. It is what they excel at. It is what they do. The tiger does not need to put new stripes on to blend in. He or she does not...

It happens about two or three times a week. The nightly routine goes smoothly, or at least as smoothly as possible with three kids. There are the usual baths/showers, tuck ins, ritual back scratching, prayers, soothing music, and night lights casting a warm glow of safety and warmth. I exhale and think, mistakenly, that I will have some 'me time'. You know, that time that never really truly comes unless you leave the state and perhaps fly to California! I finally snuggle down into my warm bed. Perhaps I will try to read the book that has sat on my bedside table for so long. Maybe I will peruse Pinterest and pin a couple new recipes that will inevitably stay pinned in 'the cloud' and never make it to our table. Just when I feel that the quiet has come to the house, and my chicks are safely dreaming in their beds, that is when I hear it. CLICK! No, it is not some scary intruder. My dog happily snoozes away and ignores the sound. To him it means nothing. The...

     There is a woman I know.  She often times speaks about her children and all the funny things they say and do. They are truly the best and most wonderful gifts she was ever bestowed. This I know to be true. But then I see her loose her patience at those same children she so claims to love. Her voice becomes harsh and quick and her eyes pulse with irritation. When she does this, a piece of my heart breaks for her. I know later she will feel the guilt only a mother knows.      There is another woman I know. She reads things in books and then relives them in her dreams. She watches documentaries and they root themselves into her heart. She feels aortic tugs when she learns about children suffering and shares these stories with her own children. There are photos on her fridge of children throughout the world. She wants her kids to know that they must always look to help others. When I hear her talk to her children, I become inspired. I want to be mor...

     In my pre-parenthood days, there was a lot of advice that was given freely from many sources. Some of it was appreciated, some of it was filed away for when the time came for transitioning from nursing to solid food, and many times I just naively rolled my eyes and swore I wouldn't be 'that' parent.     Looking back, having ten parenting years under my belt, it seems that much of that advice revolved around adjusting to having a baby, the months after the baby arrives, how to lose the baby weight, and how to juggle all the newness and nerve wracking events all rolled into one. This can be a very messy time for sure.     But where I sit now, there is much more that I would have liked to know about before getting into this profession called parenting, and I mean that with all sincerity. In fact, there is not much in terms of job experience that has gone undone in the last ten years.     I have wiped, changed, and cleaned every person, ...

S uperheros have super powers. This is something that is accepted without question. Superman can fly.  NO problem. He can freeze things with his super breathe. Got it! We don't judge him for the bright spandex he wears.      The Flash is wicked fast. If you need a buddy to help you out, he is the one to call.  We don't judge him for reacting too fast.      The Hulk, well, his power is a little on the wild side, but we are fine with it. We don't recommend anger management or group therapy. We don't even judge the green color makeup he chooses to don when angry. Tame the beast? No, he is alright with us.      Spiderman, being bit by a radioactive spider, and being able to spin webs able to carry the weight of a two ton truck? Absolutely. We don't gossip about him spinning one too many webs. And who hasn't seen a radioactive spider?  I am sure there are a few right now lurking in my basement.     Surely we can't ov...

 "It takes a village". We have all heard that phrase that is touted as an African proverb. I admit that when I was in the pre-parenthood phase of my life, I disagreed with it. Why would I need other people to help me raise my child? If I couldn't step up and do this on my own then I had no right to be bringing a child into the world. This young creature was my flesh and my responsibility. Period. Then I had a baby and all that "I don't need a village" crap went right out the window, along with napping, going to the bathroom in peace, being able to form a complete thought, and fitting back into my pre-preggie pants. The truth is, all across the globe, women help each other in motherhood. Villagers help each other. From the rice paddies of Thailand to the mountainous regions of Tibet. In the hills of North Dakota to the winding river Nile. Women are woven together like a maternal tapestry that spans generations and geographic locations. We rely on each oth...

Before I was a parent I judged. I judged a lot. I listened to how children whined in stores and vowed that mine would have a good “ thing coming to them ” if they dared have that type of attitude. I saw boys with shorts on during cold weather and wanted to take them home with me. I wondered what type of parent they had not looking out for their child’s skin on a chilly day. I looked at houses of friends with small children and wondered why they couldn’t see the grimy dirt on bathroom walls, or manage to keep the clutter contained. What were these people thinking? Before I was a parent, I made promises I couldn’t keep. My children would have home cooked meals each night for dinner. We would routinely bake cookies for no special reason and our Christmas cookies would ROCK! In addition,  I would make sure to not be “THAT” parent who scrounges to get last minute supplies for school projects. I vowed that my kids would be in bed promptly by 8 each and every night o...

An impish smile. Sparkling green eyes that mimic a dark mossy redwood forest. An imagination that you share with me on a daily basis.  You make me laugh, wonder, and ask questions of my own. You are a wonderful creation. One so perfect, I could not have even fathomed such a lovely creature in my dreams.  Just the right amount of timidity and tenderness. Bravery mixed with bossiness, while adding both vivaciousness and velocity. You are the sparkly pink whirlwind in my life. The small hand that clutches mine when you are scared, yet pushes me away when you are ready to explore. The artist of mine who knows what she wants, and the little inquisitive explorer of mine who asks away when her mind is wondering. You, my love, are a piece of me, but only one. For you are made of so many pieces that have been fashioned together to make you YOU. A brilliant, dazzling, mosaic of times before and those who have long departed.  You are your own girl.  Your lit...

A balm to a wounded heart or a verbal lashing to a tender one. Carefully crafted to be both inspiring and intentional they propel us to accomplish the seemingly impossible.  They are equally prideful and powerful. They can be both honorable or hateful. Calculating and cutting, they have the power to shred us. Witty and wonderful, they make our souls laugh and our hearts smile. Compassionate and carefully woven or quick tempered and flaring, they leave their mark. Quietly uttered or clanging, they are remembered. Poetic and powerful, they nestle in our hearts. Beautiful and buoyant, they are a beckoning beacon of hope. Words. Spoken by 7 billion people all over the world . We absorb them in poems. We devour them in prose. We cherish them in songs that we listen to over and over again. We buy them in cards that line the shelves on any given Tuesday. We connect to them even though they were not written by our own hand. A stranger's thoughts that mirror our own. A stranger...

There are times in our lives that we get the right picture. We capture the precise moment when something wonderful is happening. The focus is there. The lighting is absolutely National Geographic quality. Perhaps it is the award winning smile of a little cub scout getting a trophy for his first Pinewood Derby win. Maybe it is the the high note on a brass trumpet for a fifth grade ensemble, or the smile of the sweetest little girl belting out her first holiday concert in a smart red plaid skirt. These times are snapshots of our lives. They are the events that weave the fabric of our hearts. A fabric that will keep us warm long after those days are over. We can look back over those pictures and remember the moment. They bring us back to where we were when we shot that image. They allow us the ability to time travel with both our hearts and minds.  These images allow us to relive times that brought much joy and happiness in a world that is often swallowing us with sorrow and gri...

      A 'silver lining'.  The belief that even in the darkest of circumstances there is a positive outcome that will make everything better. Often when we deal with obstacles or events that just didn't go the way we planned, we cling to this proverb.     However, in this life of ours here on earth, sometimes there isn't one. There is no light shining down from the dark clouds. There is nothing silver. There is no light. There is just darkness. There is just grief. There is overwhelming sadness and confusion.  The questions bombard our brains with no answers that make sense of loss. A loss so deep that time doesn't really heal it at all. It just makes the pain throb less.      Sometimes it seems that the world is just a tad off kilter. Kind of like the lens of a camera that is just not quite in focus. A picture that is slightly out of focus and crooked no matter how many times you try to right it.      I see it in the...

The other night, little sister came proudly into the kitchen, placed her foot upon the table and asked me, "Mommy do you know what this is?" I paused, as if it was a trick question....thought about reminding her of proper table manners and then said, "Um....it looks like a purple flower you drew on your foot with marker." After a long sigh, she replied, "No Mommy, it is my IMAGINATION!" That was it. A trick question indeed and with it she captivated me. That simple word has been floating around in my head ever since. For many of us, our imaginations have long since gone silent. We can't remember what it was like at 3 1/2 to make up stories, and songs, or dare to dream. We have long since silenced the stick ponies that were ridden down the hardwood hallways clomping all the way. Our days and nights become synonymous with the old "Time to make the doughnuts" commercial. We feel the drudgery, we hear the background music to "Groundho...

In T minus 3 sleeps I will begin another year of teaching. This year marks number 17. I can't believe that it has been that long since I first stepped into a classroom of my own. I remember how nervous I was being hired on the night before school started. It seems like so long ago,  yet in many regards it is still so fresh and new. I still get those first day of school jitters. I haven't been able to sleep well in the last week and I am sure that it is due to my mind reeling with what I want this year to look like. What I want to accomplish. What I hope to inspire in my students. My room is ready. The physical needs have been met with a few days of prepping and help from my mom and dad who are expert movers when it comes to unpacking boxes. The bulletin boards are color coordinated and the books are neatly on the bookshelf, for now.  The walls are ready for the work of those who will inhabit this space with me. The walls are waiting to be covered in things far more colorf...