Notes to My Loves

      M otherhood is filled with tasks. Tasks that we were told about long before we ever held our precious babies in our arms. Talks we were given to from those who were older, wiser, and had navigated the rapids of parenting small children. Then there were tasks that we just have to learn on our own. Our "on the job training" if you will. From swaddling newborns to nursing night time fevers, from making the mad dash to the closest bathroom during potty training to getting all the necessary supplies for that first day of school. There is no handbook for these tasks. And often they are overlooked by those that are older and wiser. They are the small tasks. The ones that go unspoken. I could go on and on regarding such tasks. They are never ending and we, those of us in the trenches, know all to well the table of contents of which I am referring to. But this post isn't about those tasks. For we all have them. Instead I want to talk about the balancing of one's life wh...

      S ometimes we all need to get away. We need to leave everything behind and take a breath, or two, or three. We need to readjust our perspective on those things  which are really important. This is not easy in the lives we lead. The lives filled with demands, responsibilities, and expectations. However, right now I am away. I was blessed to be given the gift of time. Time away from all that usually makes it hard for me to think. I am refueling my tank and taking time to process. I am breathing deeply and working on finding clarity.      While here I have visited with old friends. Friends who knew me long before I was a mother. Friends who I have no reason to try to impress. Friends who remember when life was far less complicated and demanding. Friends who listen and share in the same struggles of motherhood. It is a fold that I belong to. A fabric of who I am to have these friendships that have stood the test of time and distance. Picking up righ...

    I wonder. I wonder a lot.  I think of my life and wonder what it would look like if I were living it in someone else's skin. I think about all that I have in this world living in this country called America. I wonder if I am doing enough with what I have. Am I truly living a servant's life? If I was gone tomorrow would my life's work be done? Would I have used my time wisely?  Would I have done enough to really make a difference?      I also think about the fact that when we strip away all that anyone has, we are more alike than we will ever be different. I am so much like so many other women across the globe. I have a sacred sisterhood, with these other women. A bond that I share with women I have never met. It is thicker than blood. It can not be measured with man's mathematical equations. It can not be understood unless you have traveled its paths.      It is called motherhood and it cuts to the very heart of our civilization on...

F earless. Free from all fear. Brave. Courageous. Undaunted. When was the last time you felt this way?  What were you doing that gave you this bliss? Was it something new or something sweetly familiar? Did it take you to new exciting places or keep you safe in the warm comfort of what you know?     Today I saw fearlessness. I saw the sparkle in the eye of 9 . I heard the strength in his voice about something he was excited to do, yet had never done before. Something he has been asking to try and conquer yet had no background or parental guidance to do so. Today 9 decided to take on the world of snowboarding!      It amazes me how different children are. From a young age he has been fearless. This has not always been comfortable for a first time mom as I felt he would surely hurt himself at any given moment. I cannot even count how many times I thoroughly thought his face would be bitten off by every neighborhood dog he greeted a bit too close. However, a...

     Images, perspectives, preconceived notions, wishful thinking, pride, and public scrutiny. What do all of these things have in common? What do all of these mean for most mothers? These are the undercurrents to how most of us choose to live our lives. These are the tides and torrents that shift the sand beneath our feet, or pull our lives into chaos. They are the images not of what is truly going on within, but what we want others to think is truth. The snapshots of greatness versus the grainy ones of defeat. Those that hang proudly on our walls versus the ones we often quickly delete.      In the last couple of years, I have seen many of my friends struggle. I have struggled. We have struggled silently, publicly, quietly, and often times without the knowledge of those closest to us. Other times we confide in our careful few. The ones that we know won't judge or have words to fix what is going on.     The thing that has kept me thinking is wh...