Motherhood is filled with tasks. Tasks that we were told about long before we ever held our precious babies in our arms. Talks we were given to from those who were older, wiser, and had navigated the rapids of parenting small children. Then there were tasks that we just have to learn on our own. Our "on the job training" if you will. From swaddling newborns to nursing night time fevers, from making the mad dash to the closest bathroom during potty training to getting all the necessary supplies for that first day of school. There is no handbook for these tasks. And often they are overlooked by those that are older and wiser. They are the small tasks. The ones that go unspoken. I could go on and on regarding such tasks. They are never ending and we, those of us in the trenches, know all to well the table of contents of which I am referring to. But this post isn't about those tasks. For we all have them. Instead I want to talk about the balancing of one's life while navigating these tasks.
Balance is the key to success in so many things. Without it, music would have an irritating ding to it, rather than a smooth melody. A bike rider would never experience the thrill of air in their face without it. An unbalanced room seems drafty or cold, while one that has just the right composure is inviting, cozy, and feels pulled together. A balanced budget allows for the needs and wants of a household within its means. But all too often as mothers we are far from balanced.
As a mother I struggle with taking time for myself. I have a plethora of excuses that come so quickly into my head as to why I can't do something for myself and they usually start with 10,7, and 3. They need to do this, they have to go there. I have been gone all day at work and feel badly that I will be gone more. When really a lot of the time is that I am either too tired to focus on myself or that I think others will think it selfish for me to take time and just be gone from the parenting parade.
But the crux of the issue is, that when we DON"T take the the time, the balance is so off kilter that we aren't able to do anything well. Everything we do is off and can look a lot like a rider on a bike with a wobbly wheel, or sound like a ballad without a chorus. We are plugging away, but we are NOT pulled together. We don't think clearly or parent with patience because our tank is empty, and our tires are out of alignment.
Recently I needed to step away. I needed space. I needed quiet. I did this to recharge my batteries and get those wheels aligned. I wanted to go hiking without having to listen to children complaining about how hot they were, or how tired they were, or asking how much longer it was. I wanted to go kayaking and not have to worry about keeping a visual on my three littles and wondering if their life jackets were truly going to protect them. I needed to be able to just lay in bed and contemplate if I wanted to get up that day, versus, being pulled out of bed with questions regarding the morning menu or a needed hand in the bathroom. I yearned to be able to have adult conversations with my sister friends about adult issues and not have to worry about the overhearing child who may be scarred by such talk. My soul needed this time.
It is funny to me that I have a sticker on my van window that reminds me of when I need to change the oil in my van. Going too long over that number means that the engine is getting gunky and not working properly. I wouldn't want my van, the vehicle that I entrust the safety of my children in to fail. So I make sure that I get it in to get checked out regularly.
Yet too often I don't treat as tenderly the vehicle that has gotten me this far in life, myself. For within myself I carry other precious things. I carry a hope for the future, strength for the test, and patience for the next bend in the road. I carry endurance for the hike, a vision for what can be, and the perseverance of finding passion in life. However, the tasks of motherhood often pile on top of these other precious things. We all need to dig out sometime and that takes time.
This time may look different for each momma. It has to. We all balance things differently. Our lives are woven so tightly and frayed all at the same time. For some a day away is good. For some a weekend suffices. For me it was a week in the golden hills of northern California with friends who have known me since I was a girl myself. Precious time that will happen again next summer. It will become a tradition because I need that. I deserve that. I am worth that. We all are. Find what makes you balanced and commit to allowing yourself that time.
Put a sticker on your mirror if you need to.
I know I have.
August 8th, 2014!
On the journey with you....
K
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