Images, perspectives, preconceived notions, wishful thinking, pride, and public scrutiny. What do all of these things have in common? What do all of these mean for most mothers? These are the undercurrents to how most of us choose to live our lives. These are the tides and torrents that shift the sand beneath our feet, or pull our lives into chaos. They are the images not of what is truly going on within, but what we want others to think is truth. The snapshots of greatness versus the grainy ones of defeat. Those that hang proudly on our walls versus the ones we often quickly delete.
In the last couple of years, I have seen many of my friends struggle. I have struggled. We have struggled silently, publicly, quietly, and often times without the knowledge of those closest to us. Other times we confide in our careful few. The ones that we know won't judge or have words to fix what is going on.
The thing that has kept me thinking is what about those mothers who don't have those chosen careful few in which to trust? What if the person we see at the park, who is struggling silently with some aspect of motherhood won't hear anything truthful from anyone else but us? But we don't speak truth for fear of judgement.
What about the mothers we encounter who are SO not like us in their outward appearance, yet SO like us in their motherhood situation? How would our lives and their lives be bettered if we reached out and embraced the struggle of motherhood that we are all dealing with? What if we skipped the pleasantries and went straight to the white elephant in the room? What would happen if we chose to live openly, honestly, and allowed all people who know us and meet us to see all the images of us? What would that mean for the relationship of women in our lives? What would that mean for the old Stay-at-Home Mom vs. Working Mom debate that has plagued our generation?
Honestly, would you think badly of me if you knew that I popped M & M's at night when I am dealing with a two year old who WILL NOT GO TO BED!!!! Sometimes with a Reisling chaser! Does that make me a bad mother? Does that make me weak? What about the fact that my blood was boiling today when my 6 year old didn't want to take the roller rink for his first roller hockey game despite the fact that he has skated since he was 3. My patience was thin and the image of my face when I told him to get on that rink was probably one that I wish I could delete from his memory. No image of greatness there.
Here is the thing. None of us is perfect. We know that for sure. That is not debatable unless we are using huge doses of sarcasm. Yet so many times, with so many people we choose to make it look like we are doing great! And what is that really doing for many of us women? How does it helps others to think that we are managing to spin the 75 proverbial plates above our heads? All it does is set up the next mother or friend to think they are less than. Surely since they can't do it all, there must be something wrong with them. Right?
So here is the challenge that I am giving myself and I throw out to you, my beloved readers, mothers, and friends. What if for the next year we choose to live openly and honestly with all who enter our lives? Regardless of whether or not we think they will judge us. We won't care. Because my core believes that there will be many more mothers out there who will be thankful for honesty than there will be the judgers. And really the judgers might gain a thing or two when they stop and think that the reason they are judging is because they just do not want to look carefully at their plates spinning, dropping, and crashing around them.
So today starts day one. For the next year, I will live each day with purpose, and I will live honestly and truthfully with the women in my life. Those who I know well, and those who I just meet. This goes for those who are in my life for the duration, and those who are only passersby. Those whose names are written on my heart and those for whom I will never know their names.
We have but one time around this track of life. I want to run hard, and fast. I want to run with purpose and integrity. I want to run with others who can lift me up, but I also want to be one who is relied upon and trusted for honesty, transparency, and truth. I also want to be able to run without worrying about how I look while I am running. Am I running fast enough? Am I covering enough time compared to my team mates? Do I have the right running outfit on? Do these spandex shorts make my butt look big? Who wants to run with me?
In the last couple of years, I have seen many of my friends struggle. I have struggled. We have struggled silently, publicly, quietly, and often times without the knowledge of those closest to us. Other times we confide in our careful few. The ones that we know won't judge or have words to fix what is going on.
The thing that has kept me thinking is what about those mothers who don't have those chosen careful few in which to trust? What if the person we see at the park, who is struggling silently with some aspect of motherhood won't hear anything truthful from anyone else but us? But we don't speak truth for fear of judgement.
What about the mothers we encounter who are SO not like us in their outward appearance, yet SO like us in their motherhood situation? How would our lives and their lives be bettered if we reached out and embraced the struggle of motherhood that we are all dealing with? What if we skipped the pleasantries and went straight to the white elephant in the room? What would happen if we chose to live openly, honestly, and allowed all people who know us and meet us to see all the images of us? What would that mean for the relationship of women in our lives? What would that mean for the old Stay-at-Home Mom vs. Working Mom debate that has plagued our generation?
Honestly, would you think badly of me if you knew that I popped M & M's at night when I am dealing with a two year old who WILL NOT GO TO BED!!!! Sometimes with a Reisling chaser! Does that make me a bad mother? Does that make me weak? What about the fact that my blood was boiling today when my 6 year old didn't want to take the roller rink for his first roller hockey game despite the fact that he has skated since he was 3. My patience was thin and the image of my face when I told him to get on that rink was probably one that I wish I could delete from his memory. No image of greatness there.
Here is the thing. None of us is perfect. We know that for sure. That is not debatable unless we are using huge doses of sarcasm. Yet so many times, with so many people we choose to make it look like we are doing great! And what is that really doing for many of us women? How does it helps others to think that we are managing to spin the 75 proverbial plates above our heads? All it does is set up the next mother or friend to think they are less than. Surely since they can't do it all, there must be something wrong with them. Right?
So here is the challenge that I am giving myself and I throw out to you, my beloved readers, mothers, and friends. What if for the next year we choose to live openly and honestly with all who enter our lives? Regardless of whether or not we think they will judge us. We won't care. Because my core believes that there will be many more mothers out there who will be thankful for honesty than there will be the judgers. And really the judgers might gain a thing or two when they stop and think that the reason they are judging is because they just do not want to look carefully at their plates spinning, dropping, and crashing around them.
So today starts day one. For the next year, I will live each day with purpose, and I will live honestly and truthfully with the women in my life. Those who I know well, and those who I just meet. This goes for those who are in my life for the duration, and those who are only passersby. Those whose names are written on my heart and those for whom I will never know their names.
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