Content. An adjective describing living in a "state of peaceful happiness". It sounds so simple. So zen like. So calming and free from chaos. Like a page out of a travel magazine showing glowing sands and azure waters. Yet this seven letter word is so elusive for many of us who live in today's rapid fire world. It is an art that meanders throughout many aspects of our lives, yet cannot easily be mastered.
I have made this my New Year's Resolution this year. To cultivate this art for myself and for you, 962. For some, they will embark on losing weight, or scaling a mountain, or running a marathon. Those are all great goals. I too have goals this year, but I don't think being 'content' is a goal that can be attained the same as others. There is no magic finish line that you can cross to see this goal as finished. No bells and whistles that announce you have made it. It is more like a gardener who is cultivating his small crop.
This year marks my last year in my 30's. I am not saddened by this, and I have no feeling of needing to hold fast to the last few months until the numbers change to another decade. My world has forever and magically been transformed through the years of my thirties. These are the years in which I became a mother and learned how to love so fiercely. I have treasured these years in which I have be blessed to become your mother.
However, I can't quite get past the fact that although I have been in this body for 39 years, I still struggle to accept it. I still struggle to be in a state of peace with the 'skin I am in'. I still feel that I battle this body and heaven knows that it surely has changed in the last 9 years. I know what needs to be done to keep me healthy, and yet I still balk the system. I still go against what I know is best. Why is that? I am not sure. But I do know that I don't want you to struggle with this foe.
So this year I will learn to be content with this body. I will work toward being thankful for getting up each day and working toward one act of motion to be grateful for the fact that I can. I am not looking at having a certain number change on the scale. Actually I won't be even stepping on a scale this year. Not even once. Because I have done that. I have played the number game. I have told myself, "If I was just this number all would be well. If I could wear this size jean, I would be good". For me, that game doesn't work. I have been up, and I have been down, and in between the elusive art of contentedness has not manifested.
So this year I will try a different approach. How does this affect you 962? Well, we will be doing more things that encourage all of us to move our bodies, and be thankful for the fact that we can. We will focus on finding ourselves together and enjoying each other's company and laughter. We will hike more trails and look at birds. We will pick up acorns to feed to our pet squirrel, Mrs. Nutt Nutt. We will ride our bikes and feel the wind in our faces. We will snowboard and fall down. Again and again. We will scale walls and repel down like we are Army Rangers. And in the end, it won't matter what the number on the scale says. The number won't hold a candle to the memories we will have made along the way.
Another area of our lives that I would like to be content with is our home. The town where we live is a nice one. It is a community that has grown so much in the last ten years. The problem is, you don't know 962 what it was like before. Especially you 9. You say often, "We need a new house, we have lived here a long time and there are so many new houses that we need a new one too." I understand the feeling, and I get that. Yes it is true that all around us there is 'newness'.
That is what you are used to. As a child, when your shoes stop fitting, you get new ones. When your jacket is too small from the year before, we run to Target and fetch a spiffy new coat. However, I am worried that in your world, you are being conditioned to think that you HAVE to have new things. I worry that this type of mind set is setting you up for a really bad case of being not content later in life. For right now, and for the last year or so, I have felt that pull when I think of our house.
When we bought our house, almost 13 years ago, it was supposed to be a 'starter home'. One that we lived in for 7 years maximum, and then we would build our dream home. But now, 13 years later, here I type. In the family room that we have made our own with a fireplace that is cozy and a Christmas tree that is still lit even though we are well into 2013.
There is part of me that wants to find something new too. Yet there is part of me that feels that I would be throwing an old friend out in the cold. This house has been the one that I have brought all my babies home to. This house has been where many nights I have rocked those babies, and still get up in the night when bad dreams or scary sounds wake you up.
But in my mind, I see a different place. I can't tell you where it is. I can't put my finger on it, but I know it is not here. I don't feel at peace. I don't feel content and I don't know why. This bothers me. Is this because I too have gotten caught up with the newness around me? Have I spent too many hours on Pinterest? Do I long for a clean slate to start fresh?
The truth is, often times we want something NEW, when we really are not taking care of what we have already. Am I using this house the best way I can for our family? Are there things that I could do that would help me to be more at peace? I don't know, but my goal this year is to find out how I can be at peace in this small house that has given my family and myself shelter and warmth. I don't think that making this house 'new' by updating EVERYTHING would make me feel different. It is only a temporary fix. It is the crux of our society. The newness eventually fades. But are there other things I can do? I will surely see.
The ironic part of life is that I know that the newness doesn't fix things. And I also know that others are suffering so greatly in our world, that I am ashamed to actually feel so ill at ease. I feel badly that I am not 'happy' with my lot in life. Why is that? Why is it that we are always searching for that which we don't currently have? It is an ironic twist. For there are so many in our town who think nothing of building bigger and better, yet here I sit. Thinking and feeling that wishing for something different is really not being grateful for that which we have been given.
I don't know why I feel this way. I wasn't raised to be ashamed of having nice things, but something deep inside of me feels this pull. It weighs heavy on my heart, and when we have these things that make our heart hurt, or plague our mind with thoughts, we must investigate them. We must get to the root of the questions and find the answers. I truly think that these are times in our lives in which we grow. We have to follow the questions and they take us on the journey.
962 I want you to live your lives differently. I want you to be happy with what you have, and not feel that you have to continue chasing the next big thing, or new thing. Because there is always going to be something different and cooler, and outrageously amazing. I want you to follow the questions of your heart rather than the images of what society deems as necessary.
So here in lies my New Year's Resolution.....to cultivate, hone, and search for that inner feeling of peace that is the definition of being content. As your mother, I want more for me. I want more for you as my children but I want you to have more with less. I want to be at peace with myself, with my body, and with all that I have been blessed with these last 39 years. I want to enjoy this year and my time with you, and live the life we have today. Good night my loves!
I have made this my New Year's Resolution this year. To cultivate this art for myself and for you, 962. For some, they will embark on losing weight, or scaling a mountain, or running a marathon. Those are all great goals. I too have goals this year, but I don't think being 'content' is a goal that can be attained the same as others. There is no magic finish line that you can cross to see this goal as finished. No bells and whistles that announce you have made it. It is more like a gardener who is cultivating his small crop.
This year marks my last year in my 30's. I am not saddened by this, and I have no feeling of needing to hold fast to the last few months until the numbers change to another decade. My world has forever and magically been transformed through the years of my thirties. These are the years in which I became a mother and learned how to love so fiercely. I have treasured these years in which I have be blessed to become your mother.
However, I can't quite get past the fact that although I have been in this body for 39 years, I still struggle to accept it. I still struggle to be in a state of peace with the 'skin I am in'. I still feel that I battle this body and heaven knows that it surely has changed in the last 9 years. I know what needs to be done to keep me healthy, and yet I still balk the system. I still go against what I know is best. Why is that? I am not sure. But I do know that I don't want you to struggle with this foe.
So this year I will learn to be content with this body. I will work toward being thankful for getting up each day and working toward one act of motion to be grateful for the fact that I can. I am not looking at having a certain number change on the scale. Actually I won't be even stepping on a scale this year. Not even once. Because I have done that. I have played the number game. I have told myself, "If I was just this number all would be well. If I could wear this size jean, I would be good". For me, that game doesn't work. I have been up, and I have been down, and in between the elusive art of contentedness has not manifested.
So this year I will try a different approach. How does this affect you 962? Well, we will be doing more things that encourage all of us to move our bodies, and be thankful for the fact that we can. We will focus on finding ourselves together and enjoying each other's company and laughter. We will hike more trails and look at birds. We will pick up acorns to feed to our pet squirrel, Mrs. Nutt Nutt. We will ride our bikes and feel the wind in our faces. We will snowboard and fall down. Again and again. We will scale walls and repel down like we are Army Rangers. And in the end, it won't matter what the number on the scale says. The number won't hold a candle to the memories we will have made along the way.
Another area of our lives that I would like to be content with is our home. The town where we live is a nice one. It is a community that has grown so much in the last ten years. The problem is, you don't know 962 what it was like before. Especially you 9. You say often, "We need a new house, we have lived here a long time and there are so many new houses that we need a new one too." I understand the feeling, and I get that. Yes it is true that all around us there is 'newness'.
That is what you are used to. As a child, when your shoes stop fitting, you get new ones. When your jacket is too small from the year before, we run to Target and fetch a spiffy new coat. However, I am worried that in your world, you are being conditioned to think that you HAVE to have new things. I worry that this type of mind set is setting you up for a really bad case of being not content later in life. For right now, and for the last year or so, I have felt that pull when I think of our house.
When we bought our house, almost 13 years ago, it was supposed to be a 'starter home'. One that we lived in for 7 years maximum, and then we would build our dream home. But now, 13 years later, here I type. In the family room that we have made our own with a fireplace that is cozy and a Christmas tree that is still lit even though we are well into 2013.
There is part of me that wants to find something new too. Yet there is part of me that feels that I would be throwing an old friend out in the cold. This house has been the one that I have brought all my babies home to. This house has been where many nights I have rocked those babies, and still get up in the night when bad dreams or scary sounds wake you up.
But in my mind, I see a different place. I can't tell you where it is. I can't put my finger on it, but I know it is not here. I don't feel at peace. I don't feel content and I don't know why. This bothers me. Is this because I too have gotten caught up with the newness around me? Have I spent too many hours on Pinterest? Do I long for a clean slate to start fresh?
The truth is, often times we want something NEW, when we really are not taking care of what we have already. Am I using this house the best way I can for our family? Are there things that I could do that would help me to be more at peace? I don't know, but my goal this year is to find out how I can be at peace in this small house that has given my family and myself shelter and warmth. I don't think that making this house 'new' by updating EVERYTHING would make me feel different. It is only a temporary fix. It is the crux of our society. The newness eventually fades. But are there other things I can do? I will surely see.
The ironic part of life is that I know that the newness doesn't fix things. And I also know that others are suffering so greatly in our world, that I am ashamed to actually feel so ill at ease. I feel badly that I am not 'happy' with my lot in life. Why is that? Why is it that we are always searching for that which we don't currently have? It is an ironic twist. For there are so many in our town who think nothing of building bigger and better, yet here I sit. Thinking and feeling that wishing for something different is really not being grateful for that which we have been given.
I don't know why I feel this way. I wasn't raised to be ashamed of having nice things, but something deep inside of me feels this pull. It weighs heavy on my heart, and when we have these things that make our heart hurt, or plague our mind with thoughts, we must investigate them. We must get to the root of the questions and find the answers. I truly think that these are times in our lives in which we grow. We have to follow the questions and they take us on the journey.
962 I want you to live your lives differently. I want you to be happy with what you have, and not feel that you have to continue chasing the next big thing, or new thing. Because there is always going to be something different and cooler, and outrageously amazing. I want you to follow the questions of your heart rather than the images of what society deems as necessary.
So here in lies my New Year's Resolution.....to cultivate, hone, and search for that inner feeling of peace that is the definition of being content. As your mother, I want more for me. I want more for you as my children but I want you to have more with less. I want to be at peace with myself, with my body, and with all that I have been blessed with these last 39 years. I want to enjoy this year and my time with you, and live the life we have today. Good night my loves!
I can not say enough praise for this blog! I absolutely love what you have written, desire others to embrace this type of thinking, and believe our world would be a much, much better place to live if others did.
ReplyDelete---But, I will be content that you are thinking it. That will suffice...for now. : )